3 DAYS LATER

Well, I am glad the first hurdle is passed. This week's is the last week for Semester II. I have a lot in my mind for the past few days... after Mr. Oliver's briefing on Thursday.

I mean, a lot. I actually want to write my thoughts down, but when I am typing this... I just can't collect the back. It's been boggling and taxing to think about what I want in life and this line of job I am going to be in.

Is this what I want? I want to graduate with a paper... whether I am going to be a chef... I really don't know. I do not have the enthusiasm nor the passion for cooking food... well, only at time when I feel really, really inspired.

So, his briefing was sort of like the alarm clock that wakes you up in the morning. But the problem is... it's waking me up right in the middle of the night.

So, I think I am not going to write my thoughts down. However, will continue to ponder on his words and reflect on my works over this last semester to give me a better grounding of what has happened for the past 5 months... for better preperation for the next hurdle.

D-DAY

Today's the day. The day of my final practical exam. It's morning now and I'm just plain nervous.

I have been preparing this exam for quite some time now. It's was being schemed hand-in-hand with the KG project a few months back.
KG took off. Now, this is the moment of truth for mine.

It's has been an interesting journey for this preperation. Not to mention those night when you just can't sleep, thinkin about platings and how-to-cook-what-when. You get me?

DID I MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

Well, yesterday we had our final meeting for the KG project. I was feeling a bit down yesterday and if I had been online... this entry would have been very different.

But today, I was greeted with a new energy. I met up with the power of change. Quoting from my friend's blog:

Some people become so used to their daily routine, they eventually succumb to it til the point where they can't accept or tolerate changes. One slight change can distraught them, leaving them feeling uneasy the whole day.

Is it healthy to lead such a life?

I can't bear routine.

So, I back-tracked my past few months. Yes, there were routines. There were meeting which I just loathed to attend, but I did go anyway. But at some points of those months, I felt alive doing what I did!

I began to love my job as a logistics guy... it felt wonderful! Those high-moments were really, really good! I did not feel what my friend is feeling now- the unbearable.

However, there is a down side.

Do you remember the days when I was not so happy? That's me not accepting change. The fact that the project will be coming to an end. I came to love my day-to-day meetings and work, being productive and such. I did succumb, but not in a bad manner. I held on to those thing that were so dear to me, so tightly and I didn't want to let go...

Then, I read this:

."Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is...The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds."

- Dan Millman, 21st century philosopher from The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

I was resisting the change because I love what I did and I didn't want it to end. Yesterday, I still felt that way.

But today, I think change. I am liberated. So, I think I know how Phee Lip, our ex-project manager must have felt leaving this project for Singapore.

So, the bigger question comes. Did I make any difference to the project?

Yesterday I would have said, "I don't know."

Right now, I would say, "I did." Somehow or rather I did... to myself, to the people whom I have worked with, and everyone else I have come to meet and know.

Here's the dessert:

"The path of personal growth
leads upward,
through the gauntlet
of human experience
to the peaks of human potential.
On this journey we encounter twelve gateways.
Their purpose is evolution.
Their arena is everyday life.
Their secret is action.
And their time is now."

Dan Millman

DRAWING CLOSE TO AN END...

Thank you all for coming by and reading my blog... and if you have noticed my blog has been, from its begining started from my trips to Kuala Gula.

With the project kicking off this Friday and the fact that I can't make it for the project due to exams and studies, I feel a sense of lost and bewilderment.

I will miss KG together with her wind blown clouds and stunning sunsets.

The project core members getting more agitated and emotional... I feel them too, but I can't seem to express them. I suppose, I have them repressed.

For meetings, I have been taking leave home much earlier... don't have much to say or to talk about...

I want to stay and say much more... but I can just smile and walk home feeling I have done my part and it is enough. I seem to have seeped into a small, serene self -made enclosure.

So, as the project draws close to an end for the core members and passing on to the volunteers, fasilitators and the community itself; I sense a vacancy in my future writings.

What will I write about?

What will I have to say about my weekends?

I haven't a clue... but going through my past postings, I realise I could have written more. I could have felt more. And most importantly told more about the interactions with my team members.

I just have to say that, "They are best people I have come to know."

So, I will continue to blog... but in what ways, I don't know.

James Allen once said, "The dreamers are the saviors of the world."

I am in many ways a dreamer.

So I hope to continue dreaming my dreams... and writing about them.

UP FLEA'S HILL

Last weekend we went to Kuala Kubu Baru for our first Introduction Weekend for this year. This time there were only 6 participants; all from project AVYIL. There has been a change of focus for this particular I.W. as we are more into 'gel'-ing the volunteers for the up-coming project in Perak.

Sadly, I can't make it for the project...

Anyhow, the weekend has proved to be productive with the volunteers doing a lot of team building games and thinking together to solve problems and also a long track up Bukit Kutu, Flea's Hill.

We bathed in Sungai Chiling and made a slide out of a small rapid waterfall... later that night we went to a hot spring and had some good time 'steaming' our problems away.

Overall, it has been a relaxing camp out with less 'crazy' activities by the XVs... I quite enjoyed their soberity.